27 August 2013

Feels Like New Year's Eve

I think I've finally ran out of reasons to set aside and procrastinate on blogging again. Japo and Blu have established their routines pretty much so I'm able to get a bit of me-time as soon as they're sleeping. For the past few months, though, I've been making the mistake of using the newer PC whenever I try to write something and before I know it, it will be 2am and I'm reading about Angelina Jolie's kids or the royal family or watching videos of baby animals. I have now resolved this issue by using our 4-year-old laptop instead, which doesn't like it very much whenever I have more than two browser tabs open.

So here we are. :)

In a few days, Blu will be turning one. I will have a toddler. I will be a parent for a whole year.

It's frustrating how I can't put into words how I feel exactly about raising this new person. Amazed comes first to mind. Scared, definitely. Privileged. Blessed. Lucky. And just this insane amount of happiness and satisfaction and fulfillment, I guess, of having this wonderful and terrifying responsibility.

Like, I knew that I was capable of loving another person, other people, but this gig took it to a whole new level. It's a humongous challenge, probably the biggest one I've had to face, and yet it's never been so easy for me to say 'Yes, I'll do it' than it is to whatever parenting demands of me. I can't say there weren't any tears along the way, caused by lack of sleep and sore muscles and those annoying uncertainties but there's been absolutely no hesitation to do whatever needs to be done to make sure Blu is safe and healthy and happy.

Or maybe I'm just growing up and this is what "mature" people think and feel all the time. Well, good for them then.

So yea, it took me a year. It's been a great but rough transition for me from brat to mom. I feel like I have so much catching up to do with so many people and things. Hopefully, this balance I'm working around right now holds up so I can maybe start on... stuff.

September 1 is the start of my New Year now. I am filled with hope and so much love it's gross.

Hello, new blog. Let's be friends.